Not Dead, Just Sleeping
by Illusionpool
Summary: A random drabble about Cinderpaw and Littlecloud meeting, and the memories it unlocks.


The moon sparkled high above me as I daintily crossed the tree bridge, with branches sticking out an odd angles. I put all my concentration into not falling off into the glimmering waters below, strangely beautiful and deceptive of the deaths it could- and probably would- cause.

My eyes darted around the lakeshore; from here, I could see the whole territory. I could see the woodland that I knew so well; I could see streams out cats racing towards the island. I could see, far across the lake, a winding black line that every cat knew to be the Thunderpath. I shuddered as I saw it, dropping my gaze instantly. For some reason, ever since I had been apprenticed, Thunderpaths had terrified me. I did not know why, but I did know that they gave me nightmares. These nightmares chilled me to the very bone; they were always the same. Always exactly the same. They were worse than normal nightmares; a part of me knew that my subconscious could not be that inventive.

But if it was not my mind, then what was it? They could not be _real_, but they could not be unreal. My senses in those nightmares were even better than in my waking hours, but my other dreams were a blur I could barely remember in the morning.

"Get a move on!" The grumbling voice of an elder I knew well rang in my ear. I smirked a little, hurling myself off the tree bridge and hoping, hoping, that I would land on the island.

Relief filled me as my paws touched the soft grass. I stared around the island in awe; StarClan truly had given us this place. No other place could be as perfect as this. Bushes surrounded us, while at the same time the water of the lake lapped slowly up onto the shore. One large tree spread over us, creating a blanket of leaves suspended in mid air to protect us from the rain, if it ever came. The sky was clear, as dark as any night, but without any clouds to hide the twinkling stars from our view. The full moon cast its light over us, but instead of being cold, it brought the island to life.

I had no idea where to go first. Should I wander around the lakeshore, or should I explore the middle of the island? Should I go to the north or south, the east or west? Hesitation surged through me; there was so much to explore, but so little time in which to do it.

"You look lost,"

A voice sounded from my left as a tabby tom padded up to me. I spun around to face him, nodding slightly. He seemed to be older than me, but he was small; almost as small as me. "I'm Littlecloud of ShadowClan; who might you be?" he asked casually. I gasped.

"The medicine cat of ShadowClan?" I asked, wondering why on Silverpelt such an important cat would waste his time talking to an apprentice like me. The tabby nodded, smiling slightly. "I couldn't be a medicine cat. I'd love to help my Clanmates, but if I couldn't run and hunt, train and fight… life wouldn't be worth it," I sighed, lost in my own visions. The tabby nodded, and lifted a paw as if he were about to walk away.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't introduce myself!" I squeaked, remembering his question of only a few seconds ago. "I'm Cinderpaw."

Littlecloud stopped, turning his head to face me. Sadness glimmered in his dark eyes. "_Cinderpaw?_" he repeated incredulously. I nodded slowly, wondering why he had uttered my name like that. "Yes… daughter of Brackenfur and Sorreltail." Littlecloud was shaking his head in disbelief. "No. You can't be. You look exactly like… Cinderpelt," he murmured. The last word was said slowly, adding even more pain to his eyes. I nodded. "I know."

"You _know_?" he asked. "You never met her, did you?"

"No, I didn't. She died seconds before I was born. But my father, Brackenfur, he was her sister. She was my aunt." I lowered my head sadly. "I wish I had met her. I'd heard so much about her…"

"I knew her well." Littlecloud replied shortly. I jerked my head up, my eyes shining.

"_Did_ you? Could you… could you tell me a bit about her? Please? I always ask Leafpool, because Brackenfur says I was so like Cinderpelt, but she never tells me anything."

Littlecloud obliged. "I'd be happy to." He thought for a moment of how to begin. "She was a great cat. She saved my life; I was a warrior, before, and ShadowClan was filled with sickness. A friend, Whitethroat, and I, we went to ask for help from ThunderClan. Bluestar refused, for the good of her Clan; I cannot say I blame her. But Cinderpelt… she helped us. She nursed us back to health, even though she might have been discovered. She inspired me to become a medicine cat." I nodded eagerly, wanting to hear more. Littlecloud sighed. "Being a medicine cat would never have been her first choice in life. She should have been a warrior."  
"Why wasn't she?" I couldn't help interrupting. Littlecloud laughed.

"You are very like her…She was involved in an accident. She was hit by a monster on the Thunderpath; it broke her leg. She could never have been a warrior."

"_What?"_ I squeaked, my eyes growing rounder than the moon. "On the _Thunderpath_?"

Littlecloud nodded. "You'd have to ask Firestar for the whole story; he was her mentor, for a short while." He glanced towards the other cats. "We should go; the Gathering is about to start. It was nice to meet you, Cinderpaw." He padded off, leaving me standing there in total shock and disbelief.

I knew. I finally knew why Thunderpaths terrorized my dreams, and why fear of them chilled my fur.

I finally knew the answer, from such an unexpected source.

***

Littlecloud's POV

As I left the Gathering, my mind was whirling. I had seen the shock in Cinderpaw's eyes, and I knew it mirrored my own. Had she not known?

I had not. How could I? I suppose that a part of me, a tiny part of me always knew. I had never seen her in the ranks of StarClan, but she had been the most deserving cat to live in the stars. She would never have been banished from their ranks.

Unless it was only temporary. Unless it was for her to live the life she had been meant to live. Could StarClan do that? I knew, as well as all medicine cats did, that they would help us and guide us, but never control our lives. Our lives were our own to lead, and they would not jerk our paws off the path from kit to a member of StarClan.

Yet with Cinderpelt… there was no other explanation. There was an apprentice, born at the same time as the death of the Cinderpelt I had known; an apprentice who shared her name, an apprentice who looked exactly as Cinderpelt had when I had first met her. I had been on the verge of death, and she had saved me.

But I… I had not saved her. What if I had known? Would I have sacrificed myself to save her?

I didn't need to answer the question. I knew it automatically. Of course I would. I had always yearned to repay the debt that I owed her, but now I would never get the chance.

I let out a gusty sigh as I padded side by side with my Clanmates. _Cinderpelt is dead. Cinderpaw may be her, but she does not share the memories I share with the old Cinderpelt. Cinderpaw is not the cat I knew. Cinderpaw has her own life, and I will _not _interfere with it._

I couldn't do it to her. This was how Cinderpelt's life should have been. I would not interfere.

Because she would never have known me. If she had not been injured, had she not had any other choice but become a medicine cat, she could not have cured me.

I would be dead.

I had the tiny apprentice to owe for my life, even if she did not know it. And I would not turn hers into torment by revealing my love for the cat she had once been. The cat that was locked inside her memories.

A cat who was not dead. Just sleeping.


End file.
